Still in need of a title
by Mizura
Summary: CCS fic..Meiling has done something horrid and has been sent to the insane asylum..what has she done? Read to find out!


My name is Meiling.  Li Meiling.  I was born into a good family, I was good at sports and gymnastics.  And fighting hand-to-hand combat.  I consider myself fairly beautiful, for my age.  I have a fiancee.  All in all, I have everything going for me.  Well, I _did have_.  Until I turned nineteen... 

Why you are listening to me is beyond my comprehension...everyone else seems to think of me as mentally unstable at the moment... 

I don't like telling the public these things...but since you have taken the time to join me here... 

I guess I wasn't all everyone thought I was.  I just wanted everyone to think that I was perfect.  Sure, I was self-confident.  Sure, I wanted to be the best at everything.  Sure, I was a good friend to have...but there are things...feelings...that I hid from the public... 

I was _proud_ of my fiancee, but I know that the marriage was only set up by our parents...I doubt that he ever felt the same way that I felt about him.  Sometimes, I doubted my _own_ feelings towards him... 

I know that this sounds silly to you, but I think that I was a little bit lonely.  If I wasn't lonely...no, if I wasn't jealous...maybe jealousy triggered it...I don't think I would have done what I did... 

I killed Kinomoto Sakura.  Yes, I admit that I committed murder.  Cold-blooded murder, it was...when she was asleep...but I'll get into that later. 

It wasn't my fault, really.  At least, not _this_ part of me.  I think it was another part of me...an evil part, that did it. 

I hate blood...I _do_... 

That day, when it was all over my hands, all over my clothes, all over my skin...I thought I would go insane.  I really thought I would.  But I didn't.  I think I actually did a good job at being calm that day...although it took all of my self-discipline to do so...no, actually, it was quite natural.  That's what scares me... 

I scare myself now. 

I've lost all of my friends...lost my family, who disowned me right after they heard what I had done...lost my cheerfulness, lost my perfectness... 

I've lost everything.  All because of a stupid mistake. 

You know what's funny about that, though?  I don't regret it.  I don't regret a thing. 

You may be thinking that I really _am_ insane, now.  I can see it in your eyes.  Don't worry, I won't do anything to you.  As long as you do nothing to me. 

I will now tell you _why_ I did it in the first place. 

I think the main factor of why I did it is jealousy.  Yes, I am _sure_, now.  I never wanted to admit that I was jealous of her, after all, she wasn't half as pretty as me, or half as perfect.  She got horrid math grades, and the only class she was good at was P.E./GYM. 

Now what was there to be jealous about?  I still wonder about the answer to that question.  I'm pretty sure that it was mostly because of Syaoran, though.  She was so close to him...and he to her... 

Maybe something was going on between the two of them.  I'll never know.  I'll never get a chance to talk to her ever again. 

I knew that Syaoran's face changed whenever _she_ was with him.  Did _she_ ever notice, herself?  I don't know for sure. 

I think he loved her. 

And I think that is why I had to get rid of her. 

I had made a vow to myself that he would be mine. 

But either way, I could not make him fall in love with me. 

Love is _different._  It comes from the heart.  Not from constant pressure.  If anything, I understand that the most now... 

I guess I'd rather it be this way, though...instead of having him be with Sakura.  Or anyone besides me. 

I know I'm _selfish_.  But that's the way I am.  I hate it when things don't go my way... 

Oh, you are still here.  Am I boring you with my long talk?  No? 

Well, then, I will go on. 

I did not think that I could commit cold-blooded murder.  Not while she was sleeping...not when she couldn't see my hatred for her... 

Did I hate _her_, or did I hate _the power_ she had over my cousin? 

I know the answer to that question is the latter. 

But...but, however much I try to erase it from my mind, I will always know that I was the one who _killed_ her...cold-bloodedly..._I_ was the one who crept into her room...and it was _my_ gun that I shot her with...and it was _my_ idea to... 

By killing her, I had killed a part of my cousin. 

By _mistake_, mind you. 

I didn't know that it would affect him. 

Well, deep down inside, I knew. 

I knew what I was doing was wrong. 

I knew that I would be hurting _him_ along with her. 

But over all, I knew that I couldn't stand her. 

And that was the reason I killed her. 

Are you satisfied, now?  Are you going to go tell the press what I have said? 

I do not care if you do, if you are wondering.  I've nothing to hide, not anymore. 

My life is torn up...into shreds...little bits and pieces... 

Heck, this isn't my life anymore. 

I like to remember my life as the bright, happy times I spent with my cousin...even with Sakura and the others. 

I should be going back in now.  We, in the insane asylum...we, aren't supposed to be out talking to people long. 

Oh, I have a favor to ask of you, before you go. 

I want you to tell Syaoran...if you see him...that I will make sure to send a message from him to Sakura that he loved her. 

Yeah, yeah, I know.  I'll tell God to tell her for me, because I'm not going where she's ending up. 

And tell him that I miss him. 

Okay? 

Thanks a bunch. 

Now to return to my asylum... 

Goodbye, stranger.  Nice talking with you... 


End file.
